Dealing with Stress and Discouragement
For some of us, such feelings may arise because we have a house full of growing children, each requiring time and attention. Perhaps we have committed ourselves to too many activities and cannot do them all as well as we would like. Family members may be facing urgent deadlines that create pressures on us, or maybe health problems are causing us to be irritable, impatient, and tired.
Surprisingly, a certain amount of stress can be good for us. As Lehi pointed out, opposition is essential for personal growth. Research has shown that those with a hardy view of stress, for example, will look at a potentially difficult event as a challenge rather than as something to be feared. Even working on a project sixty hours a week can be challenging and exciting as long as we are committed to the undertaking. How we cope with stress, therefore, is more important than what causes the stress. But it does help to identify what those stressors are before we can deal with them.
Stress and Strain
Sometimes, the best way to cope with stress is simply to be realistic about what we expect of ourselves and others. We may be trying to do much more than we are capable of doing. Often, we become upset because we are not perfect in everything we try. Perfection is our ultimate hope, but in the meantime, we should be realistic and kind in our expectations of ourselves and others.Being realistic is a very important way to handle the strains life places on us. But there are other ways as well. Some of the following may help jog your memory about what works for you. Share your ideas with your family.
Keep Spiritually Fit. Prayer and daily scripture study allow us to keep our spiritual reservoirs of faith, hope, and peace of mind full. These not only give us spiritual strength, but they can help us find answers to our particular problems.
Get Out of Debt. A common cause of family conflict is financial stress. Our Church leaders have consistently counseled us to budget our money and to stay out of debt. If we were to spend less than we earn, this practice alone would substantially reduce much of the financial stress most of us feel.
Keep Physically Fit. To handle stress, our bodies require rest, exercise, and a good diet. Participating in a favorite sport is also an excellent way to let off steam.
Set Priorities and Goals. If we can’t accomplish all we’d like to do, setting priorities at least allows us to do the most important. As individuals and as families, we need to set goals—daily, weekly, monthly, and long-range—and then plan how to accomplish them if we are to keep from spinning our wheels. Planning gives direction and energy to our efforts and helps us avoid crises that result from failing to anticipate needs and remember responsibilities.
Change Habits and Routines. Some people find that getting up an hour earlier gives them much greater control of their lives and uninterrupted time to do many things that otherwise don’t get done. For others, a short nap gives the needed refreshment.
Change Your Pace. A change of pace can bring a feeling of renewal and the serenity to cope with a hectic life-style. A short interlude amid the beauties of nature, a few minutes in quiet thought, reading a good book, doing anything we particularly enjoy (including nothing) for a while all can help when the pressure intensifies.
Share Your Frustrations. Talking our problems over with family members not only helps relieve stress, but it can enlist the family’s cooperation in finding solutions to stress-producing situations. Writing in our journal can also provide insight as it helps us release tensions and cope with everyday stress. Wise parents will help their children see the value of writing down their feelings in a personal journal or notebook.
Relax and Enjoy Life. Some of us simply need to relax more and enjoy life, our children, and our relationships with spouse and friends. Don’t Forget Humor. Serious though life is, there are many moments that would be enriched by a sense of humor. We will greatly reduce stress if at times we can laugh at the incongruity in our lives. Laughter in a family is a wonderful lubricant that can alleviate the friction of too much stress.
Coping with Discouragement
Among the most difficult feelings we have to cope with are discouragement, despair, depression, guilt, and anxiety.These negative feelings too often cause us to withdraw from the very people who could help us. A vague and undefined problem may seem insurmountable, but with a little talking and sharing of perspectives it can usually be dealt with. Encouraging your children to express their feelings to you from their earliest years will do much to empower them against these potentially devastating feelings of helplessness.